The Human Interdependence Spectrum. Why? This test consists of 26 simple yes-or-no questions that can get one to start thinking about codependency in their own relationships. I had a list of codependent traits, the ones that applied to me. In fact, many codependents are having issues in other types of relationships, like parent / child relationships, friendships, work relationships, or any relationship where enforcing healthy boundaries is an issue. Can we not love ourselves just the way we are? I love the book Codependent no more by Melody Beattie and it’s full of useful advice. H�|S�o�0���xGs���3U�@�&%mWߺq�nJ��5�?�|e�� h�bbbe`b``Ń3� ����C7> ה� Those who asked these questions recognize that their perceptions were off base, or that they need help redirecting their thoughts when they’re under stress. 0000007948 00000 n Questions from this category included “Did my childhood make me this way and will it pass on to my kids?”, “How do I avoid having my children become codependent after watching the relationship between their father and I?”, “How does one help their young adult children be aware that this has been the family dynamic so it doesn’t automatically continue in their families and relationships?”, “Are my kids going to have codependency issues just because I do?”, Questions in this category included “How can I tell if I’m codependent?”, “What are the top 5 traits of a person with codependency?”, “Does wanting to please everyone mean I have codependency?”, Questions in this category included “Is it best to refrain from having a romantic relationship if you’re codependent? They are a starting point, or a guide to the kind of emotional work that needs to be done if the relationship has a chance of being healthy. I said, “I don’t know how to stop doing these things.” He said, “Just do the opposite.” It seemed so elementary, but it worked!! 0000004946 00000 n What an interesting insight; the meaning of codependency seems to be evolving into a more broad definition. 2. Age is also a huge factor, thus the industry of wrinkle free product promises! Has anyone else read this gem? Questions to Ponder: 1. But there are others that you can find that more speak to you. Please note that if you are not already a contact listed on this meeting record, your request will take longer to confirm and process. At what point is it okay to get involved?”, “How do you know when you’ve healed enough that you truly long for companionship as a natural part of being human vs. ‘need to be in a relationship’?”, “When do I know when I’m ready to move on to healthy relationships?”, Questions in this category included “How do we put ourselves first without feeling guilty?”, “How do you handle ‘guilt’ feelings that come from doing things for yourself during recovery?”, “Why do I always feel so guilty?”. 6 Ways to Become More Independent, Less Codependent. Thanks! It would interesting to investigate that further. Thanks Debbie, and thanks for sharing! "Codependent" No More? 355 0 obj <> endobj I found the information gathered interesting. Answer them as honestly as you can. It seems like “Codependent No More” as a We’re working on a course right now, but it will be several months before it’s released. endstream endobj 375 0 obj <>/Filter/FlateDecode/Index[14 341]/Length 34/Size 355/Type/XRef/W[1 1 1]>>stream Write a few paragraphs about it. The codependent jumps at the opportunity to provide “much-needed” advice. I am looking forward to participating in all of this! Men have a similar issue with their cars, jobs and self-esteem related to those, or how about the guys building Herculean bodies to impress. If your answer is no… 0000001157 00000 n We’re also considering producing a collection of stories (4.04) on personal codependency struggles, as many find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their codependency issues. In what ways (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.) Another statement in Codependent No More I stand behind one hundred percent: There is no situation that can’t be made worse by severe self-neglect, and it’s opposite, “Self-love and self-care will benefit any situation we need to get through, go around, or endure.” Self-love isn’t narcissism, over-indulgence, or extreme pampering. The Codependent No More Workbook was designed for Melody Beattie fans spanning the generations, as well as for those who may not yet even understand the meaning and impact of their codependency. Self-awareness is key. h�b```b``��������A��X������;�&�� Q���/������!! Not all codependents are struggling with romantic relationships, nor do all codependents have a similar upbringing. Have you ever considered self-destruction as a result of your reactions or relationships? Enjoy every step of the way! An example of a boundary of a recovering codependent is: A) "I will rescue people from consequences of their alcoholism." How do I know where the line is?”, “Once you start to change and say ‘no’ to people who are used to you giving in, how do you not get defensive?”, “How do I tell my kids ‘no’?”, Dealing With Narcissists included questions like “How do we safeguard our hearts from attracting narcissistic / bpd personality types that we seem to attract like bees to honey?”, “Why do I still capitulate to the narcissists even when I know he or she is the one who is wrong?”. Live and learn. Here’s How To Know – with Drs. By the way. Reminds me of some advice I got years ago, to move TOWARD uneasiness until it’s easy. Taking a codependency quiz can help you understand if you are. %PDF-1.4 %���� As a 2, the books seems specifically designed for this type. Thanks for everything you’re doing to help codependents. Control Issues included questions like “What healthy steps can I take to overcome the obsessive and damaging need for control in relationships?”, “How can I recognize manipulation in a relationship?”, “How can I manage the finances without being told I’m controlling when I know my partner will spend money on frivolous things?”, External Approval included questions like “What are some techniques to be okay with myself without the approval of others?”, “Why do I let the opinions of others dictate so many of my personal decisions?”, “Why do I still keep needing his approval and input when I know I can be better on my own?”, “How do I stop relying on others for happiness?”, People-Pleasing included questions like “How do you handle codependent behavior in the workplace, where we’re encouraged and even paid to ‘please’ others as part of our job?”, “How do you learn not to please people at your own expense?”, “How do I fight my natural instinct to please others all the time, like doing things for my family even when I’m too tired to do anything for myself?”, Saying “No” included questions like “How do I know when I should give him what he wants and when I should stick with my ‘no’? Use this form to submit an update to an existing meeting. You may be codependent if three or more of these fit your personality. Questions in this category included “Why is it so easy for my mind to tell me to move on when my heart tells me no?”, “Why do I stay when the relationship is toxic and everyone around me, including myself, knows I should leave?”, “Why do I have such a hard time letting go of people who hurt me?”, “How do you let go of the people that you are codependent on? To help myself learn and grow and to help others through their journey as well. Essentially, many would like some type of a course created specifically on the topic of codependency, and we’re going to create it for you! John Van Epp & Morgan Cutlip, CNM 055: Ready For Marriage? On a scale of 1-5, we asked readers to rate each of the following according to interest: As a result, we’re moving forward to assemble a course containing expert advice (4.81), research (4.43), and real exercises (4.52) you can do toward recovery. I can't find my book right now, but I believe there are 20 chapters. Immediately the responses started rolling in, and we began collating the data to start making sense of it. Questions is this category included “How do I find out the reasons behind my codependency?”, “How did I become such a pushover / how did I become codependent?”, “What is the root reason you believe yourself to be responsible for everyone?”, “How is it that I ended up codependent when I grew up in a family that wasn’t dysfunctional to my knowledge, and had no substance abuse or other addictions?”, “How did I get here when I’ve had so many healthy relationships?”. The worksheet mentions some questions that can help identify if an individual is in a codependent relationship. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves, and a more dominant personality who … Codependency is not an addiction, is not a disease and is not an indication that you don’t have enough self-worth and self-esteem. As noted in the chart, there was significantly less interest in a group support (2.91) component at this point. John Van Epp & Morgan Cutlip, CNM 054: Guidelines For Choosing The Right Romantic Partner – with Drs. 0000002560 00000 n Through analyzing our data, and beginning to have one on one conversations with several of our audience, we’ve been learning a lot about the reality of codependency in order to help. An example of a boundary of a recovering codependent is: A) "I will rescue people from consequences of their alcoholism." Bump for Tracey C. (Actually had to remake the post. Our three biggest basic conclusions have been: Here’s what you asked us, by category and percentage: Not surprisingly, “How To Recover” was the biggest piece of the pie by far with over 40% asking a recovery-related question. As far as books go, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a classic, and I bet you’d fine it helpful! startxref CODEPENDENT NO MORE. This category deals with questions contemplating leaving a relationship. 0000029629 00000 n With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency—charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness. It is easier for you to feel and express anger about injustices done to others than about injustices done to you. In Codependent No More , Melody says: I am proud of you guys for this amazing effort! Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie - Book Summary - Readtrepreneur (Disclaimer: This is NOT the original book, but an unofficial summary.) Her passion for writing has resulted in fifteen books, including: Co-Dependents Anon Over the years, Melody Beattie has become well-known in the world of self-help literature. B) "I won't let you spoil my fun." They seek the fortitude to stand up and walk away. The codependent offers an endless stream of good advice regardless of whether the advice has been asked for or not. Melody Beattie, the author of the book Codependent No More*, began writing about codependency in 1986 when there were very few resources available to the public about codependency. If you have other ideas, or you’re just really interested in contributing to our project, we’d love to hear from you. It may be tough to admit, but it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. While there are many different questions about codependency, to overgeneralize, you basically want to know 2 things – How did I get this way? Thank you sincerely for your efforts in collecting then analyzing the questions that no doubt took tremendous work on your part. 2. Did you ever have an idea that if loved ones would only see things your way, life would be much better? You feel responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, and well-being. A Self Assessment Codependency Test. 355 22 Maybe you're not sure if you're co-dependent or not. Many people out there need help, so we’re doing the heavy lifting of taking your questions and connecting the dots to find the best answers. I read as much as I could; I went to counselors and support groups; I led support groups; I completed self-help workshops. I am excited to be a part of this project. Turn those mistakes into lessons. Many of you are enthusiastic about getting more knowledge on the topic in general, and gaining insight into your own struggles. 0000001707 00000 n 376 0 obj <>stream Another large piece of the pie had to do with how to handle very specific situations in the context of interpersonal relationships. "Codependent" No More? ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself tags: codependence , codependency , codependent , self-help 12 likes Is there an event of person in your life that you are trying to control? 0000000016 00000 n Once you complete the quiz, you’ll be given a result, a full breakdown of each question, as well as a brief video explanation of where you fall on the Human Interdependence Spectrum. Codependent No More is a classic. Codependence, alcohol addiction, and the Twitterization of a term. Personal reflections, exercises and more to help you be fully independent and happy. %%EOF There is no person currently in my life whom I do not welcome. ... and be willing to question them, ... People in codependent relationships are great at … You are invited to the 7th Virtual Across the Time Zones New Year’s Eve CoDA Meeting taking place via Zoom, December 31, 2020, 11:00 pm – 12:15 pm (In Your Time Zone! 20 Questions for Codependents is a tool to assist individuals and helping professionals to give their clients a very quick codependency quiz. 0 Codependence, alcohol addiction, and the Twitterization of a term. General Recovery Questions included “What do I do once I’ve identified the problem?”, “What is the most efficient way to break through my codependency issues?”, “What’s the most important thing I can do to begin breaking the cycle?”, Setting and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries included questions like “How do I have a healthy relationship without losing myself?”, “What are some practical tools to create healthy boundaries?”, “How do you set boundaries that are fair? Why? Thank you! As you might know, we all share the same attachment to people or things. I realized in my 20’s that I was codependent when I read a book that described codependent characteristics and I swore they wrote the book about me. We started this blog almost four years ago and never expected the great response we’ve gotten so far. Yes No Answering yes to five or more of these questions is an indication that codependency has become a problem in your life. "If you answered 'Yes' to even a few of these questions, you are probably in a codependent relationship," she says. That we need help getting through this thing called “life.” It doesn’t make us weak to ask for help it makes us human. Feel free to comment below! Click Get Books and find your favorite books in the online library. Like, absolutely totally just what we need to hear if you’re average-unhealthy range. In fact, many codependents are having issues in other types of relationships, like parent / child relationships, friendships, work relationships, or any relationship where enforcing healthy boundaries is an issue. Yes No 20. In order to refine our course content, we’d like your feedback as to which topics are important to you. Thank you for caring about us people pleasers. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness. This is not a professional diagnosis, but it is a good way to start evaluating codependent behaviors in one’s own life. <]/Prev 52821/XRefStm 972>> There were also some uncategorized questions asking about topics such as dealing with setbacks, abandonment issues, domestic violence, living alone, and wanting to know if it’s okay to stay codependent and find a compatible mate. Some of the worksheets for this concept are What is codependency, Codependency workbook, The thirty questions for coda steps 1 2 3, Chapter inner child work and codependency, Beyond c, Patterns and characteristics of codependence, Understanding codependency, Working the steps as a group. 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